AFC North

So, keeping with the NFL's ruling, the Ravens history starts in 1996. A short history for sure, but still a solid one. A franchise built around an aggressive, hard-hitting defense (and sometimes hard-to-stomach offense), the Ravens won a Super Bowl title in 2000, division championships in 03 and 06, and have 5 playoff appearances since 2000. Not bad for a 12 year old franchise.
Sure, they're technically lacking a long storied history, but what history they do have is impressive. It's tough to penalize them for the NFL's inconsistent treatment.
Score: 11/20
Cincinnati Bengals - Zero NFL Championships, a franchise record at 82 games below .500, a terrible draft history, and googling "Bengals" and "cursed" returns around 343,000 results. They were a drug relapse and dropped interception away from their first Super Bowl title in 1988. You'd be hard-pressed to find an "all time draft busts" list that doesn't include Akili Smith and Ki-Jana Carter. Their former head coach does run a steak house with his last name on it. Unfortunately, it has his Dad's picture on the logo.
More recent history hasn't been too kind to the Bengals, either. Their most promising season since the 80's ended with their franchise QB being carted off the field. When a Cincinnati police officer lets Ole Miss coach Andy Kennedy know arresting a big name such as himself is no big deal because "We deal with the Bengals all the time," well, that's not a good sign, either. Their latest first round draft pick holds out a month into the preseason, shows up about 30 pounds overweight, and then breaks his foot in a non-contact drill the first day back. But hey, a franchise can't really be cursed can it?
However, as I've said, this category isn't all about wins and losses. While the on-field success of the Bengals is probably deserving of the "Bungles" moniker, they have made their mark in one aspect of the NFL: the touchdown celebration. The Ickey Shuffle was revolutionary, controversial, and paved the way for guys like Deion Sanders, Terrell Owens, and the Bengals' own Chad Ochocino to put on the real show after they cross the goal line. In a franchise where so much has gone wrong, this has to count for something.
Score: 5/20
Cleveland Browns - As mentioned earlier, the history of the Cleveland Browns includes an interruption in service from 1996-1999 after Art Modell fled town to form the Ravens. Prior to 1996, their history is somewhat confusing to score. They dominated the AAFC all four years of its existence, winning all four titles. After joining the NFL in 1950 they won 4 championships before the NFL-AFL merger. However, since that time, they have failed to even appear in a Super Bowl.
Their history does include arguably the greatest football player in NFL history in Jim Brown. It also includes legendary moments such as "The Drive" and "The Fumble". Unfortunately for the Browns, they were on the short end of these plays and both kept them out of Super Bowls. Still, the Browns were a playoff mainstay in the late 80's behind Bernie Kosar. Once the 90s rolled around, things took a turn for the worse, bottoming out in 1996 but with almost no signs of contention since.
An early football powerhouse, possibly the greatest player of all time, and some legendary (but heartbreaking) moments...but failing to appear in a Super Bowl hurts.
Score: 9/20
Pittsburgh Steelers - If the Ravens were one of the harder franchises to score, Pittsburgh is one of the easiest. Six Super Bowl Championships, only three coaches since 1969, and one family owning the franchise since 1933. They brought us the Steel Curtain, the Immaculate Reception, and most importantly, Slash. It's pretty rare to hear a description of Steelers football that doesn't involve "hard-nosed". They're the epitome of stability. I don't want to understate this so let me repeat myself from earlier - they have had a total of THREE coaches since 1969 including the current one. Keep in mind that 7 NFL coaches were fired during 2008 alone and marinate in how impressive this stat is.

If it weren't for the "Steagles", Pittsburgh might have a perfect score here. They're still pretty close.
Score: 19/20
Next up is the NFC North. In the meantime, if anyone from Cleveland asks, you haven't seen me.
I'm really hoping you don't become a Steelers fan. It just might break my heart.
ReplyDelete- Renting the Steel Curtain
Easy slugger, we're still in the first inning...
ReplyDeleteLet me explain why the Browns are the way to go. Right now you are getting in at rock bottom. This is important to true fandom since you can then talk about the sad times; your expectations are minimal; and things can only get better. Not only does this give you credibility, it has other benefits as well:
ReplyDelete1) Merchandise is generally much cheaper.
2) If and when the team acheives greatness you will enjoy it more. For instance, were you to shack up with the Steelers you have nothing but frustration and impossible expectations ahead of you.
3) You will get to continue being a huge collge football fan, since the biggest win on your horizion is the draft.
4) You are not geographically bound. Let's face it, anyone who is not from New York but swears they bleed for the Yankees are just douchy. Same goes for non-Dallas connected Cowboys fans, etc. Bad teams don't have this problem, no one cares, and people who are from there are just glad the outside world knows they still exist.
5) You can just complain about the coach or ownership and immediately sound knowledgeable and tuned in.
Taking these five point into consideration, the Browns are a perfect team to fall in love with. (1) You can get gear for a steal right now. (see, Stallworth jersey on ebay. Sale expected on Quinn shortly.) (2) We are horrid right now. Suffering through this season will give you a foundation to enjoy anything that comes next. The only thing we are looking forward to is the draft. (Fun fact - did you know that our team was so stacked this year we traded down from the 6th pick all the way to the second round?! Second fun fact - we've gone 9 games without a touchdown, which is odd because of our high draft status.) (3) So you can actually show your true colors by being a huge college fan and discussing much (insert any player at any position) will help get the (insert offense, defense, special teams) straightened out. (4) If you are sporting a Brown's hat, jersey, shirt or even brown pants that have nothing to do with the team other Brown's fans will immediately appreciate you and no one will find you douchy. It becomes an easy convesation starter. Everyone else will immediately assume you are a person good character who doesn't jump ship at the first sign of trouble. (5) Finally, when you do encounter your new brothers in arms, you can immediately fit in by bashing the coaching (Mangini) and the Lerners (owners) and discussing how much better it will be when (insert high profile out of work coach/college coach) is hired, and/or LeBron James buys the team.
To put some nice 22's on this Bentley, the Browns are also gambling locks right now. No matter how many points they are getting, you can always take the opponent and make a sweet parlay. Love that pays - you can't ask for more.
Despite what the NFL wants you to think Baltimore held on to all of our football history. There is a statue of Johnny U in front of M&T Bank stadium and prior to every home game the fans touch his feet when walking into the stadium. The greatest game ever played featued Baltimore. I know it may seem like we aren't connected anymore but many of the Baltimore Colts greats are in the Ravens ring of honor and are still revered in Baltimore. As for the current Baltimore team, there is nothing better than bleeding purple and black. Watching that defense go to work on sundays really gives you chills. Ray Lewis is still one of the best linebackers in the game and Ed Reed, well he speaks for himself. You really have to go to a game to see what its like, you can feel the energy flowing through the stadium and the roar of the fans is deafening. The Ravens are part of the best rivalry in football right now with the Steelers and believe me there is zero love between these two teams and their fans. Being a Ravens fan is great. There aren't many of us and a lot of other fans don't like us but we're intensely loyal and will always stand up for our team.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to get a look at what the Ravens are all about check out a video on Youtube called Death on Wings
Please become a Steelers fan and you'll never be alone, no matter where you live! I'm from Pgh. and have found die-hard fans in the Midwest, Northeast and South...everywhere I've lived. We aren't fair-weather fans but love our team, win or lose, and never boo our players when they have a bad day. If you want a team with a storied history, you can't do much better than the Steelers and Rooney family. Our coaching turnover is very low, and southwest PA is the birthplace of many famous QBs. On a personal note, two former Steelers are my cousins...Jack Ham and Mike Vrabel. I hope you'll search online for more about the Steelers, and join our fun-loving nation of fans!
ReplyDeleteCindy Vrabel Harness